GreaT DAY

Well..................it's been a great day.................mam is in good form still........I'm the same person AGAIN today, we've had good craic and a few laughs. It's been good.

Been thinking about Mark all day and I'm thinking to myself, damn, why didn't I just find out for myself whether he was single or not, instead of relying on somebody else. I can't get the fecker out of my head!!!! I wish that I could say it's all lustful thoughts and dirty imaginings of what could be or not but un-fortunately it's more along the lines of him just saying " no Lobster, I AM single and all urs if you want", or something along those romanticised child like ideas.

I got the keys for my little studio today and after going shopping for a hundres and one cleaning products (I'm a bit Monica-ish), I came back and brought Mam down to show her. It's about a 5 minute walk from our (mams) house and strangely enough, is only 2 or 3 doors down from her old Aunt Lallys house (RIP) so hopefully she will remember where I am. Having said that I'm still going to be here all the time, but I was genuinely soooooooo excited to be putting some of my things in there to make it my own. It's like a secret little hide-away He He He. But now, more than anything else, I ahve somewhere to call my own and go to for an hour or so when things get tough :-D

I made a decision today........even tho I MAY be an Eejit for it......but I decided that I'm definitely going into work on friday (I'm not working) and scoping Mark out and finding out for myself if he is or isn't available. There's nothing worse than living in the what if's or what could have been'. I nearly died last year, through health reasons and also self infliction and the one thing I have learnt is that we all have such a short space of time here and so many things happen each and every day that we really shouldn't waste any time that we do have on mulling over things or being self defeatist or lethargic. Sure; it's bloody hard to pull your finger out and DO something or SAY something. But think about it. Just for one second. All the things going round and round in our heads that could just be done away with if only we had the courage and the self-belief to just go for it and do it. I always say "be the Nike kid"....just DO IT!!! Well since I have been blessed and graced with the luck that I'm bloody useless at trying to top myself and given yet another chance at life, I'm trying (believe me...really I am) to just take the bull by the horns and ride it. Cos you know what I say??? If you don't ask you don't know and even if it's not the answer that you may want to hear....at least it's an answer and you can move on and up. No matter how much it hurts, the truth is always better and it shall set you free....or some such bollox LMAO

I'm a happy camper today. I have my own home, I have money coming in and can pay my bills, I've got bread and butter on the table, I have people that love me and I love back, mam seems to be stable and more than anything happy each day and I also have the knowledge that one day....maybe......just maybe.....I might find someone as mad ass crazy as me and honest, that has integrity, that will say, " Lobster UR the one for me".

In the meantime there is Mark and the possibilty of maybe????!!